The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
