hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
this boner is exhausting
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
