people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
