Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
