Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
