But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
