So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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