So drunk its hurt
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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