Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
