Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize