So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
