I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize