Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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