For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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