You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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