in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize