Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
