You kept calling me your small dog last night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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