Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
