if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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