I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
