We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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