I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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