mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
