She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
