i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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