Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
