shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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