She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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