yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
