Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
