In the future we'll all be gay
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
