have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
