You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
