She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
