I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I did not marry a roomba.
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