Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.

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(443): View more from Maryland

you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up

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(519): View more from Ontario

I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.

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(740): View more from Ohio

I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums

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(770): View more from Georgia

Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.

(504): View more from Louisiana

A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.

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(743): View more from

Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early

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