How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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