Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
