i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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