So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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