My first STD was from a foam party
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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