Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize