and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I love you. Go after that dick
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
