Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
where am i from again
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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