is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
