I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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