I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
