can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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