Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
