you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
