I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
