Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
