When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
