Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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