i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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