let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
