Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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