its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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