I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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