i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize