My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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