is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
