Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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